Does this count as listening to my body?
For a few days or so before heading to China for a holiday 17Feb, I had felt a discomfort in my abdominal area. I didn't think much of it. But after China, the discomfort persisted. I felt bloated. Told hubby about it, and we were off to see my gynae the same day. Her assessment was that it could be a muscle strain in that area, and that the best way to know more clearly was to have a full blood test done, with a proper scan. We agreed with her, but decided to have these done with Dr Ang Peng Tiam, given that as our onco, he had been tracking all our blood test results and CT or PET scans since Feb 2006.
The same day, without wasting any time, we got my blood tested at Mt E, and would be seeing Dr Ang the next day for the results.
For some reason, my anxiety level began to build up dramatically. What will happen if the blood test results were showing a higher level than normal for the CA125 cancer marker? Will I be back to the chemo routine again.. pain, vomiting, numbness and yes, hairloss?
Dr Ang gave us the result straight up : "Everything is fine!"
We asked if this is foolproof. What a silly question, on hindsight. Is there such a thing as a foolproof cancer test? He suggested that if you want to get all worries off your mind, then lets get a PET scan done. I was due to have one done anyway, come June. Might as well bring it forward, Doc said.
We agreed. "Can we do it tomorrow?" Doc asked.
"But I have a field trip to a goat farm with the children tomorrow", I replied.
Doc looked at his assistant, as if in amazement that I would put a major cancer detection procedure behind that of a children's field trip. I guess he will not understand..unless he knew how attached I am now to all "my children".
First thing yesterday Monday, we headed to Mt E to prep for the PET scan. It was almost like the 1st PET scan.. long, boring and yes, time for the mind ( 3hours!) to fester and build up both anxiety and fear. Is this normal? Why does knowing what's known seemed more fearsome than not knowing what's to come next? I am referring to that fact that even if the PET scan showed cancer cells spotting along my abdominal area, I would know exactly what to expect next because "I have been there, done that!"
So why this extra element of fear this time around? Who's to say how one's mind truly works? I told Hubby that perhaps this time, I had read more about cancer and how it has impacted other survivors than ever before. In particular,
the trials and tribulations of Molly.. captured in her terrific blog (
http://www.wearewonderwomen.com/blog/). We came to know of Molly when we saw her article in a magazine December last year, and have since kept in touch with her and even cross-referenced our own blogs. Her relapse was the trigger in my brain, I supposed. Her courage and honesty is simply inspirational. But her relapse (also from ovarian cancer) may have been gnawing at my mind, subconsciously. It is a wonder..how the brain works.
At 6pm, it was time for the truth in Dr Ang's clinic, which was filled to the brim with patients, as always. In his own inimitable way, Doc said "I think we may have wasted $3000!"
We reassured him, "Dr Ang, it is worth every cent of it!"
A massive relief came over me..I could see Hubby staring at me through the corner of my eye. He knows the worry and yes, fear, inside me just 1 minute ago!
We took our 1st photo with Dr Ang, and quickly head to our favourite steak&ribs joint again.. Tony Roma's.. to celebrate a different type of victory, but a victory all the same.
I am glad I listened to my body..
..gleefully ntangle
