"So, How Much Doe$ Cancer Co$t?"

"So, how much does treating your cancer really cost?"

All of us have some idea that treating cancer is expensive. The newspapers have tuned most of us to brace ourselves for that big medical bill when a critical illness hits us. Maybe not now, but one day. Hopefully, not ever.

But when I was asked this question some time ago, I thought that it would be good for more people to fully grasp what the real dollars and cents are, when an major illness like cancer strikes. And then perhaps, we all can better plan, save and respond to such an emergency. Is it about $10,000 or thereabouts? With medical costs escalating these days, perhaps double that to $20,000. The truth was, hubby and I didnt know what to expect in full, until now. So here's a summarised total of what I had to pay, moneywise, to fight this monster disease:

1. Surgery and hospital... $ 13,367
2. Chemo sessions (x6) ... $ 28,800
3. PET Scan.....................$ 3,100
4. Post-infusions (x4)..... $ 5,464
**********************************
Total todate............ $ 50,731
**********************************

And oh, this is not the end. Post-chemo infusions continue, now at 2 monthly intervals. And there are of course the followup visits with both the oncologist and gynae, which I expect will be required for the rest of my life. So, when the Health Minister says people of today needs to be able to manage and financially withstand a personal health crisis, we now know exactly what he means. It is interesting to note an article some time ago, that a high percentage of the American population today is one major health crisis away from personal bankcruptcy.

Goodness, and how true indeed, by just looking at this total sum above.

One word stands out like a beacon in my mind right now as I write this... insurance.

The need for health insurance to cover any major critical illnesses now rings true more so than ever. I am really glad I paid for some health cover when I was younger. I hope more women today will do likewise.

>> gleefully ntangle

Hair Today, Hair Tomorrow : a lady's crown

I still remember that one of the very first questions I asked my oncologist when he first laid out the "chemo-buffet" on all the side-effects that I should expect over the 5-6 month period, was .. "Doc, how will my hair look after the chemo, in say, 2 to 3 months time after the last treatment?"

I could see my hubby looking back at me instantly, as if in total wonder that such a question had even come into my mind when my very life was on the brink. I suppose expecting a man to understand what a woman's crown really means to her would be too much of a stretch. In truth, as he walked side by side through the first 5 months with me, I can sense that he began to understand what it means to me .. a little, perhaps.

So, given that my hair took such a huge chunk of my attention, from the start of chemo till this day, I thought it would be interesting for you ladies out there to have a glimpse of the hair-evolution I had to go through, pictorially. Here's 4 pictures I can share:

(Pic 1 : my long hair, before chemo)
Here's my silky long hair.. a real "Before" shot of what was crowning my head for a good 20 years. Aahh, the good ole days..




(Pic 2: my crew cut)
My hubby insisted that I should have this photo taken. I have never seen myself in this crew-cut short hair before, so it was a bit of a shock to the system. My hairdresser was excellent in snipping my hair to a level that I wanted. By now, the hair had begun to fall, and I didnt want the long hair to be dropping all over our home. Also, it helped in adjusting my own view of me before the next phase hits me, ie totally bald.

(Pic 3 : My wig)
Me and my wig, which became my constant companion for a good 5 months. The wig was made of natural hair, which I discovered was more comfortable than the artificial hair. Sometimes the heat generated under the wig can be rather unbeareable, which led to curious stares from the public whenever I took it out for some much needed airing in the car.. who cares what other people might think!

(Pic #4 : now)
And so, this is the answer to the original question above.. my hair 3 months after my last chemo. It's soft and it's curly.. my mum's description says it best : "like a young kitten's".
I certainly did not expect it to be this soft. I decided to give it a coppertone colour.. and it felt and looked good then.. still do now!


(Pic #5 of Kylie's hair)
When Kylie was interviewed in June, she had this to say about her hair:
"When it first started to fall out, I just buzz cut the whole thing. I am used to having different looks and figured out the way to use my scarf. But when it started to grow back, it was so thrilling!"

Yes, I know how she felt and can share that same sense of thrill with her.



>>gleefully ntangle

Top10 Stress Busters

Interestingly enough, as we talked about stress in the previous posting, an article popped up in the middle of clearing out some old documents yesterday. It is titled "Top 10 Stress Busters"..how appropriate indeed. I think you will find this listing useful, which is based on materials from IMH:

#1 : Exercise
You can walk, run, skip and do yoga or taiji but working your body is guaranteed to ease your mind. Exercise causes the brain to release endorphins, which are opium-like substances that ease pain and produce a sense of comfort and euphoria. People who exercise actually go to sleep faster, are more refreshed, have sharper memory, better reaction times and concentrate better than people who dont.

#2 : Take things step by step
Deal with changes one at a time as much as you can.

#3 : Organise your time - prioritise, and schedule for breaks
If you dont have priorities, you get bogged down trying to do everything at once. Try and rank each task in order of importance. It is the first step to feeling calmer about the many challenges that may come your way.

#4 : Break down your tasks
Tackle things step by step and give yourself enough time to complete them. This involves being realistic about the time needed to complete a project and scheduling some extra time in case things dont go according to plan.

#5 : Make your worrying count
Worry (if you have to) about things you can do something about.

#6 : Be realistic about your expectations
Know your abilities and limits. Ask for help when you need it. Accept that things do change.

#7 : Look inwards
Watch your thinking.. ask yourself if you are over-reacting. Are you looking at the facts of the situation or going with your feelings? What evidence is there to believe this thought? Is there another way of looking at this situation?

#8 : Make time for family and friends
Talk things out with them.

#9 : Wind down the day
At the end of the day, take some time to unwind. It could be having a warm bath or read a comic.

#10 : Learn to relax
Do deep breathing, muscle relaxation exercises, have a massage or visualise pleasant scenes.


Do these make sense to you? They do, to us. If you find that certain things you have been doing personally are very effective in reducing stress, please share it with us... post a short comment below, thanks!

>>gleefully ntangle

The Seed + Soil Theory

Kylie Minogue has it..
Sheryl Crow has it..
Heather Clarke had it..
Koh Chieng Mun has it..

My hubby's sis-in-law has it..
And now, my sister too has it..

What is happening to our society that is bringing this dreadful disease to the famous and the ordinary women folks like us? And why does it appear to be hitting us younger and younger?

Is it the food we eat? Is it the clothings we wear or the perfumes we splash on? Or is our day-to-day inactive office lifestyle making it conducive for cancer cells to grow and multiply? I wonder..

We asked the good doctor on the very day when Nellie 's cancer was declared as being in remission, the one question that had been on our minds all those 6 months through chemo:

"So how and why was it that Nellie was stricken with this cancer in the first place, Doc?"

His answer took us by surprise. Based on our best recollection, this is what he tried to tell us in the simplest terms:

He said he believes in the "seed and soil" theory. Our body is constantly exposed to cancer-causing stuffs called carcinogens.. things we eat, stuff we breathe. But our body's immune system battles against these carcinogens and wins. Almost always. But there comes a time when our body's natural immune system meets with a cancer-causing agent but fails to wipe it out and flush it off our body. This one abnormal cell starts to multiply and therein lies the beginnings of a cancer growth.

So what caused the body's immune system to fail us, we asked? His answer.. stress!
Stress from everyday life.. from work, from family, from relationships. Therein lies his "seed and soil" theory. The seed (cancer-causing agent) happens to sit on the soil (an organ in our body) at the very moment when the soil was 'weakened', so to speak, by stress.

Does this makes sense? We looked into Nellie's past. She's a relatively active lady, meaning she works out in the gym at least once a week, jogs when she can and plays golf perhaps twice a month. As recent as last August, she took her regular healthscreening test and all seemed fine. But taking another deeper look, we realised that she was indeed subjected to some serious stressful situations, both at work and within the family.

We can only look back and connect some dots. But can it be true what the doc said .. that stress could be the big culprit afterall? Till today, we look back and wonder... perhaps the smart thing to do is to make a vow to not let any stress bring us depressingly down from here on. With the benefit of hindsight, this makes perfect sense to us, and we hope it gives you something to think about too, for health's sake.

And please, do listen to your body and if something is not normal, go and have it checked early! As I write this, the results of my sister's report was told to me.. she's in Stage 1. Her surgeon added.." it's a good thing your sister came to us early". Thank God, indeed.

>>gleefully ntangle

The Mind-Body connection

Try listening to these words..

" Take a comfortable position and let yourself begin to relax in your own way. Let your breathing get a little deeper and fuller but still comfortable. With every breath in, notice that you bring in fresh air. Fresh oxygen that fills your body. And with every breath out, imagine that you can release a little bit of tension. A bit of discomfort. A bit of worry. And let that deeper breathing and the thought you have for fresh energy in and tension and worry out, be an invitation to your body and mind to begin to relax.

And let it be an easy and natural movement, without having to force anything, without having to make anything happen right now. Just letting it happen. Just breathing and relaxing.. breathing and energising.."

Do they not simply melt your body and relax you?

Those are the words from a CD called "Complementary Cancer with Evidence-based Mind-Body Medicine", compiled by Dr Lim Kok Kwang and Ms Wong Mei Yin. With title tracks such as "Relax to Free Yourself from Stress", "Get the Best of Chemotherapy" and "Create Inner Strength and Courage", the listener is brought through various imageries through the mind. The goal? To use the mind as a key tool in bolstering your body's strength, therefore enhancing your immune system.

We came across an article on this subject in an April issue of the Straits Times 'Health' Supplement, and immediately went to get a copy of the CD. Indeed, it turned out to be one of the best investment for Nellie's fight against her cancer. We can't quantify the return on this "investment" of $15 but I know that it brings a sense of calm in Nellie's face everytime she listens to any one of the 5 tracks.

The CD was available from Shan You Counselling Centre, Blk 5 Upper Boon Keng Rd, #02-15, Singapore 380005. Tel: (65) 6741 9293.

I have no doubt that the mind is a wonderful tool. Keeping it positive everytime, keeping it nimble in the heat of the side-effects of chemotherapy.. I know that has been a hallmark of Nellie's. She even went back to cross-stitching to keep her mind challenged and alert. For someone like me who thought cross-stitched works that one buys at the shops are easily stitched replicas, put together by mass labour in a faraway country, well, lets just say it was a huge eye-opener for me. After a span of 3 months of concentrated work, though intermittent, she completed a beautifully stitched piece of art.. 18 bright roses resting in a delicately weaved basket.

The framed art-piece now hangs at our doorway, forever reminding us of the beauty of combining courage and patience.. both seemingly abundant in this homegrown cross-stitcher.

>>gleefully ntangle

"Your cancer is in remission!!"

The days after the 6th chemo were filled with so much anticipation.. half my mind was fighting the usual aches in the bones and numbness, but the other half was awaiting the final results. Will this war with my cancer be ultimately declared successful, or will more treatment be required? All the 5 blood tests todate appear to show consistently good results, esp the CA125 marker, which tracks the cancer cells for ovarian cancer.

However one last test was recommended by Dr Ang Peng Tiam, one called a "PET Scan". It will allow him to see cell activities.. cancer cells being more active than normal cells. If no red patches show up in the scan, then all's well. He calls this the test to confirm all the past blood tests.

15June.. the scan took a full 5 hours to complete at Mt E, which supposedly is the only hospital in Spore to have this technology.

16June.. Time to see Dr Ang for the PET Scan result. I had a strange feeling.. like I was about to receive my school exam results.. butterflies-in-the-tummy time. Hubby and I sat in front of Dr Ang, his left hand holding my right, as if in joint prayer. And then, the 5 words I had been nervously waiting for..

"Your cancer is in remission!!"

He carried on .. "You can now go back to normal life, Nellie. You can do anything you want and eat anything you want." My hubby chimed in, "Including durians, doc?". He replied in the affirmative.

160606.. this is a day I will remember for the rest of my life. As much as 19Jan took almost everything out from inside me, this day brought just about everything back into my body. I can now wake up in the morning with confidence, laugh in the day with joy and go to bed in the night with peace inside me. We thank Dr Ang profusely. And we asked him if he could do us the honour of autographing his book.. the very book which brought us to him in the first place. And he wrote... (see pic below).

We headed out to celebrate at my favourite steakhouse..Tony Roma's.

Yes, I have won this battle for my life!

Yes, I am now a cancer survivor, I am proud to say.

Where do I begin in thanking all those who have helped me along this tough, long road to recovery? My mum and sisters.. your wonderful food and your continuous support to fight this evil. My friends.. your visits, your thoughts and words of encouragement, and your Korean DVDs! And a huge thank-you to Dr Goh whose keen eye caught the disease early on 19Jan, and to the magical hands of Dr Ang and his talented team.

And of course, Dad.. I know you are watching over me..

>>gleefully ntangle

"What about my job, dear.."

We had kept Nellie's employer informed of her condition from the very beginning in January when her abdominal pain got from a mere irritation to being persistent. Given her newness to the company, she had to obtain due instructions from them on which clinic is under their group insurance and what was covered.. you know, the usual stuff that an employee should get to know at times like these.

But man, things sure were not usual stuff anymore, as we had learnt, about a week into her surgery.

When she asked, ".. but what about my job, dear?", I took the view that being able for her to return to her current job would be most soothing for her, given the circumstances. When things do get back to "normal", she would more than likely want to get back to work, I reasoned. Of course, there's the other view that giving her 100% focus on winning her war with cancer ought to be priority #1, as opposed to getting sidetracked by what could be or might be, 6-9 months down the road. We decided that it would make better sense to hold on to the job than to resign, and took the decision to ask from her employer a leave of absence of about 8-10 months. We asked her oncologist to write us a letter to explain her condition now, and was duly given one the very day we asked.. what impressive turnaround indeed from Dr Ang and her office.

Her request was formally put to the company the next day. What came back literally blew my top!

Sorry, your request for LOA was denied.. so said the HR dept. How can this be? Here's an employee seeking what to me was a most innocuous request: time-off to fight a disease, so that she can be back to perform her duties again. And a terminal disease called ovarian cancer, no less. Surely, the time to look after the welfare of your employees must be now.. now, more so than any time in an employee's tenure with a company, wouldnt it?

We felt utterly deflated. But we decided to take the matter further with the VP of the company, essentially appealing to his sense of caring and compassion. Afterall, she isnt asking to be paid... just time off to fight for her life! What could be more immediate or noble a cause than that?

2 days into her appeal, Nellie came to me with an email in hand and with a smile as wide as the horizon, "The company has decided to grant me the LOA, dear!"

Who's to say what that had meant to her? Who's to say what would have happened to her spirits if her appeal was not granted, and the impact that would have had on her will to fight? I have no doubt in my mind that knowing that her job was there waiting for her when she goes back to "normal" was one of the key contributors to her successful conquest of this most dreadful disease.

As I write this, Nellie is looking through her wardrobe again.. checking out her working garments and deciding which dress she will be wearing this Friday.. when she steps into her office again.. exactly 7 months and 12 days later. I know she can't wait to be back with her colleagues..

Thank you, Nellie's employer!
In making her feel special, you are now a special breed of employers who have shown what this sometimes cold dark world can be when we all show a little bit more compassion and caring. Well done indeed!

>>gleefully ntangle

Diary of my chemo days....

11 Feb
Had my 1st chemo treatment today, which had me sitting at the clinic for almost 3 hours.
I was hoping the drips would be faster. But then again, what other appointments do I have?

13 Feb (% of sleep: 40)
I suffered body aches and was low in energy. As a result of the aches it also impacted my sleep. This is what I have to get used to for the next 4 months, I suspect.

21 Feb (% of sleep: 50)
Today I noticed hairs on the seattee and on my pillow. It is the beginning of my hair falling as result of the treatment... Sigh!

22 Feb (% of sleep: 80)
Got my hair dresser in today to shave the hair to 1/2 inch height. I wanted to ensure a gradual change of my image, as opposed to what could be a heart wrenching experience of seeing a full head of long flowing hair turning bald, right before my very eyes.

4 Mar (% of sleep: 75)
Had my 2nd chemo today. Told the doc of my experiences after the 1st chemo session and he was happy with my progress. He increased the dosage 10% more. Informed the doc about the numbness on my fingers and toes that I have been feeling since yesterday. In the afternoon after the chemo, the numbness that I have been feeling went away. A bonus.

5 Mar (% of sleep: 70)
Woke up without feeling any numbness or body aches.. but I anticipate it coming any moment. Hubby and I set off for our first outing... KL trip, after midday. It was good to be able to get out and join the human race again!

6 Mar (% of sleep: 10)
Body aches and numbness starting to impact me. Energy level has also dropped. Went to the massive Times Square to walk around but I could not walk much (my legs are feeling weak), so I decided to walk back to the hotel to rest. Shopping isn't the same anymore..

7 Mar (% of sleep: 70)
Similar body aches and numbness feeling. I went to Parkson around 10am but came back to the hotel after about an hour's walk and my legs are feeling weak again. We headed back to Singapore around 12pm.

8 Mar (% of sleep: 80)
Body aches and numbness are still there and by the later part of the day the aches have subsided. A good friend came to visit me today and we chatted.... it was good to have friends during this period.

25 Mar (% of sleep: 70)
Woke up at midnite to take my medication in preparation for my 3rd chemo today. The treatment ended later than usual, drip was rather slow. Nurse at the clinic says that chemo treatment cause the veins to shrink thus drip is much slower, another biological change to me, I thought.

26 Mar (% of sleep: 80)
I woke up feeling ok and decided to go for a light jog. We spent some time at the beach. It was good to feel and smell the fresh sea breeze.

1 Apr (% of sleep: 90)
Woke up at 1.20am and went back to sleep till 7.15 am. Hubby and I went to watch a play "Doubt" at the Jubilee Hall, Raffles Hotel. 11.30pm..we had never been out this late for a long time now. Apart from my wig, I could easily pass off as any other ladies at the show.. nice feeling.

12 Apr (% of sleep: 85)
Went to Mt. E this morning for my blood test and saw the doc in the afternoon pending my 4th chemo the next day. Doc says I am tough and doing good (as shown in the blood test results). This made me feel uplifted!

16 Apr (% of sleep: 80)
Numbness and tingling on my toes and fingers are more intensed than previous treatment. Tummy was feeling bloaty and I was burping alot. My appetite was not good and in the evening after dinner I threw up around 9pm. This is a new experience for me being the first time.

17 Apr (% of sleep: 80)
I woke up many times last nite but managed to go back to sleep. Tummy still feeling bloaty and decided to call the doc about it. He asked for me to collect some medicine to reduce the bloatiness. After 2 doses I felt slightly better. This is probably the most uncomfortable period over the last 2 months of chemo.

26 Apr (% of sleep: 60)
Was struggling to sleep the whole night as I was impacted with a bad persistent headache from previous day.

3 May (% of sleep: 90)
As I have been feeling better the past few days, hubby decided to take me to golf .. for a start 9 holes. I survived the game and felt great (who cares about the score!). It's fantastic to feel the golf clubs and hear the sound of the ball falling into the cup again.

5 May (% of sleep: 60)
Very disturbed sleep last nite... not sure why? Had my 5th chemo today.. started at 8.50 am and ended at 1.10 pm... I'm restless by then. Numbness and tingling were felt on my thighs and lower arm after today's session.

7 May (% of sleep: 90)
Slept better last nite. After breakfast I started to feel a little nauseous. I didn't have much appetite during lunch so I just had a bun. Decided to pop in an anti nausea pill... I was also experiencing diarrhea today. Mild body aches and my knees are feeling weak.

26 May (% of sleep: 90)
Today is my last chemo session, finally! A sense of relief and excitement at the same time. A small prayer.. let this be my last, dear God.

Looking back, keeping a record of how I felt everyday since my first chemo has helped me to stay in closer touch with my day-to-day emotions and feelings. Plus it has given me a chance to recall as much information as I can whenever I visited the doc. I would recommend keeping such a diary for anyone who is in a similar situation as mine.

>>gleefully ntangle

The side effects : chemo treatments..

Total hair losts, body aches, numbness and nausea are the 4 main side effects which I have to go through during chemotherapy.... Wow, there goes my long and silky hair! I guess body aches and the numbness are side effects which I can put up with. Also there are medications which Dr. Ang will prescribed on standby to ease these side effects. Nausea is almost 90% a "no" but there may be occasions during the treatments when I may experience it. So the total hair loss is something which is rather difficult for me to accept... I asked the doc : when will my hair start to drop and his answer is "in two weeks time after your first treatment".. oh dear..

11 Feb 2006 - The day I am set for my 1st treatment..... sitting at the clinic for the treatment lasted for 3-1/2 hours and this first experience wasn't as bad as I anticipated. Although during the treatment I did feel a little restless. Home I go after the treatment. Body aches started the next day and it lasted for 4 days.

11 days later my hairs started to show signs of dropping... hairs on our settee, pillows and all over the floor!

13 days through my treatment I called my hairdresser to our home to shave off my hair to half an inch long.... my new hairdo took a while to get used to it, but I was all ready and even more determined to fight this battle.

My sleep was also impacted since I had the treatment.. my mind was overly alert and I struggled to have a good nite sleep. The yellow antihistamine pills became a good companion for the next 2 nites.

My 2nd treatment was scheduled 3 weeks later and I went through the same 3-1/2 hr of infusion at the clinic.

But more was to come..

>>gleefully ntangle

The book that changed our lives..

On the very day of her surgery, a rather inconspicuous article in the "Today" newspaper caught my attention, as I sat at the lounge waiting area of the hospital.

It was titled "One in 4 S'poreans will die of cancer", and carried on.." Driven by harsh figures, oncologist writes book for parents, families". The book was titled "Doctor, I Have Cancer. Can You Help Me?" And the oncologist? Dr Ang Peng Tiam.

Few things could ever compare the irony of the situation that I was in.. here I was at the very day of my wife's surgery that could potentially save her life, and there it was, an article on cancer in the papers saying one in four people will die of cancer. But reading into the article a bit more, it was billed as a book of hope. I made it a point to seek out the book as soon as I could. I showed it to Nellie and said to her that this book will bring something new to our fight against the cancer.

"I read the book within a day! Filled with pictures, it was easy to read and clearly showed how the most aggressive of cancers can be stopped from spreading further, if not fully cured. In my mind, I was half dreading what's to become of me in the months ahead, but also what I can do inside me to win this fight... literally, the fight of my life. The book put in all together for me, from what others have had to go through to what expectations I should carry with me, as I walk down this war path. I am going to try to be as positive as I can, and if mind over matter has anything to do with it, I will give it a very good try !!"

After reading it, we both decided immediately that Dr Ang will be her oncologist from here on.

Fate has a way of bringing together what looked like the most disconnected of things. What were the chances of me ending up reading that article on Dr Ang's cancer book? And on the very day of her surgery, no less. Looking back, one has to marvel at the ironically fortuitous circumstances of it all.. indeed, the book literally brought us both plenty of hope! And of course, Dr Ang himself.

"Relative 5-Years Survival Rate is.."

Hitting the Net immediately when I returned from hospital, I began searching for information on anything cancer, and in particular, ovarian cancer.

http://www.cancer.org/ gave the most comprehensive and easily understood details, posting information from the American Cancer Society. It showed clearly how ovarian cancer is staged, or how widespread it is. More important to me was a small table titled "Relative 5-Years Survival Rate", showing all 10 Stages, from Stage 1A to Stage 4. It refers to the percentage of patients who live at least 5 years after their cancer had been diagnosed.. 92% for Stage 1A and at Stage 4...17.5%... a chill ran down my spine.

Nellie's 3-day stay at the R Hospital was relatively smooth. Fed with her Mum's best soups and porridge, and with comforting visits by family and friends, she soon gained enough strength to return home.

4 days later, it was time to see her gynae again for her final results to be revealed, showing the staging of her ovarian cancer.

" I remember saying to myself, 'Be brave. Lets get the full story from Dr Goh' , and then take it from there. But what awaited me was more then I could handle. The doc said that not only has the tumour grown to such an enormous size, it has also spread to the womb lining, the ommentum.

She continued, "I am afraid your cancer is at Stage 3C!"

My husband and I held our hands, and wept. A minute later, and still fearing for the worst, he asked Dr Goh to give it to us in plain English what a Stage 3 cancer really meant... ' about 30% chance of survival' was her answer. My head was spinning. It took awhile to soak it all up. We thank the doc and took a sombre drive home. In the bathroom, I fell onto my husband's shoulder and sobbed.."

>>gleefully ntangle

"Why is it taking so long.."

Surgery of any type is a worrying situation. Surgery to see what exactly is inside your abdomen and then to determine if a tumour in an ovary is malignant or not is simply edge-of-the-seat stuff. And I was only the guy sitting outside the OT, waiting for the gynae's results and for Nellie to be rolled out.. safely.

It was supposed to be over within 3hours..
"So why is it taking so long..?", asked Nellie's mum, with increasingly worrying lines on her face. 4 hours passed. In the 5th hour, the gynae surgeon came out and gave the news..

"The tumour is malignant. We had to be doubly sure that we got out as much as we could. We took the womb out too."

I swallowed, but my throat was dry.

"I was feeling drowsy and could hear voices of the family around me..... My mum came over and asked if I was feeling fine. I said yes and went back to sleep.

It was not until the next morning that I was fully conscious and was waiting for the gynae to come over and tell me what had been done to me. My hubby came early in the morning and I could see from his face that things does not look right for me. I asked him if I was ok and he came over.. gave me a big hug and started tearing. I knew from that point that the cancer had hit me! The sadness and disappointment in his face made me realised that I was in a very major battle to fight from now on.......

The battle that I have to fight was confirmed by the doc who came over to see me around 10am. She said I have to be strong, stay positive and fight it! As devastated as I was feeling then, I told myself that I will have to fight this."

The doc showed us the picture of the ovary.. a massive size of a tennis ball! (see picture in next blog-entry). It was a disgusting sight, made all the more gory by the streaks of blood around it.

How can this be? Just 3 weeks ago we were strolling in the cool mountain air of Cameron Highlands. In fact, just 5 months ago, she had a full medical healthscreening and apart from a few innocuous comments, she was given the all clear. Everything still seemed so totally surreal..

>>gleefully ntangle

"Something's not right.."

Back from the mountains in Cameron Highlands after a nice 2006 New Year's holiday, Nellie began to feel pain in her abdominal area. She described it as "a small discomfort". But it was discomforting enough for her to seek medical help from her employer's doctors.

Her initial prognosis? Probably a urinary tract infection. She got her medicine, she took them and we didnt think much of it.

But the discomfort persisted. She returned to the same GP the following week. Some additional tests were done. Again, she was asked to take some new medicine and to monitor her condition.

Then..

6 Jan 2006 - It started with a cramp attack which lasted for about 10 mins. I was unable to move, feeling faint and started to cold sweat. Seated in my office chair I was waiting for the pain to go away. I was scared as this has never happened to me before. The GP suspected it was food poisoning.

13 Jan 2006 - A week later I had the same attack and it was then that I insisted she refer me to a specialist or whoever that can tell me why I'm experiencing this pain? Fortunately a lady Gynaecologist will be in the clinic in the afternoon and an appointment was made for me to see her. My appointment with Dr.Karolyn Goh at 12.30pm was even more shocking when the ultra sound scan showed my ovary had ballooned to the size of 10.8cm, a tennis ball instead of a fishball! She immediately wanted me to go for a further test and scan at Raffles Hospital that afternoon. I left the clinic and called my hubby immediately to tell him what happened.

19 Jan 2006 - My experience at R Hospital was something which I will never forget. With a full bladder, I was asked to wait until it was my turn..an uncomfortable 30min wait. With the additional scans, the tumour was confirmed. And it was likely cancerous. The doctor asked that we consider immediate surgery to remove not just the ovaries, but also the fallopian tubes and the womb... a total hysterectomy! My mind was spinning..how can this be? Just 3 weeks ago, I was in the cool mountain air of beautiful Cameron Highlands. Now, I am in the clutches of cancer..

We were asked to seek a second opinion, if we wanted. But my mind was made up. I had asked for the earliest surgery available.

The next day, I was rolled into the operating theatre...

>>gleefully ntangle

"This is my first public outing, dear"

And so it ended. Our incredible journey of nearly 6 months, fighting this monster of a disease called cancer. Or has the journey only just begun....

08-07-06
A date for a new couple, as they glide down the ballroom, hand in hand. But also, a new date for a not-so-new couple too... Nellie and I stepped out together to face the world. Her cancer is now in full remission!

How symbolic indeed that it took the wedding of one of our best friends' daughters to highlight the significance of Nellie's own 'walk down her aisle'. Looking beautiful as ever, in her beige dress, in stilts and oh... her favourite hair, of course.

We laughed, we shared, we told our usual golf stories, our wins... our spirits were high. What a lovely evening. To be amongst friends. People who, just 6 months before, rallied behind our crusade. With their thoughts, their prayers. It's such a lonely battle to fight alone.. this monster. Indeed, we fought a good fight. We won!

Over the next blog entries, Nellie and I will document what happened over the last 6 months when she was first told.. "I think there's a tumour in your ovary!"

We hope this successful fight of ours will provide, in small perhaps immeasurable but hopefully significant ways, for you to gather the strength that she somehow managed to find, in her darkest hours over those 6 months..

>>gleefully ntangle