My 10th Anniversary "Beating Cancer" Holiday..

This is my 10th Anniversary "Beating Cancer" Holiday, and it's a whopper!

Out in the Alaskan wilderness and on Celebrity Cruises' #1 attraction, the top highlights for me were big indeed - the majestic humpback whale and the powerful brown bear. Their raw power inspires me..to continue fighting the big C, to continue experiencing this wonderful world - there is so much life out there to savour still.

What a warm glow of happiness and love emanating from this entire holiday...hmm..so cool, so endearing..(as this video shows..)

"10 Years Already? Time Flies.."

A wonderfully new milestone for me happened yesterday..

Dr Ang Peng Tiam said to me in his Mt E clinic:
"10 years already? Time flies. And your results today look great, Nellie"

And with that, my fight to be cancer-free reaches its 10-year milestone!
Throughout this time, Dr Ang and his personal assistant, Nurse Ace was by my side.

Feeling so grateful right now - I hope this photo of us shows my deep gratitude for them:

Thank you so much, Dr Ang and Nurse Ace!

(Later on, after this 10-second photoshoot, it was back to the chair, for more zoom-zoom drips into my body - a part of my life that few people know about, except my closest)

Celebrating my 8th Year, Cancer-free!

My 8th year of remission:
I celebrated it with our travel to the furthest spot on Earth that we have ever travelled to..Brazil and Peru!

 

 

 

 

And being able to complete that climb up to Huayna Picchu, to look down on Machu Picchu from 300m high up, even with my numb toes today? That was my pinnacle in achievement, my symbolic victory over cancer!

Follow me to South America on this video clip, from the mighty Iguazzu Falls in both Argentina and Brazil, to the magnificent Machu Picchu and Huayna Picchu, and onwards to the awe-inspiring Christ the Redeemer and the beautiful Copacabana in Rio! Enjoy this Peruvian treasure-song, El Condor Pasa, from the traditional windpipes of a Peruvian performer at the Sacred Valley,Urubamba ..

My 5-Year Milestone!

My 5-year milestone of being cancer-free is here, and it's today, 16-06-11!
Let the fireworks begin..

Thank you to everyone who have supported me, no matter how small or how insignificant you thought it was. I am so grateful, words cannot describe how I feel right now..

R-E-M-I-S-S-I-O-N

R-E-M-I-S-S-I-O-N

The 9-letter word that all cancer patients (and warriors) cannot wait to hear from their own oncologist, and on 23 March, I finally heard mine from Dr Ang!

"Have I finally made it? Is it already fully 5 years since the end of the last chemo?", we asked the good doctor in earnest.

Doc replied, "No, you are 3 month short, but your results are so good, I believe you have made it, Nellie!"

What a surge of emotions inside me! These 2 photos really depict everything that's inside me:

Once, I was blurred, from the backdrop.

Now, I am right on 100% focus! And at the forefront of my life!

I did it..

With the help of everyone around me - my family, my father in heaven, my Hubby, my Doc - I have saved my own life!

And to mark the occasion, Hubby bought a lovely ring, right off Orchard Road on the evening itself, to signify that my life has indeed come full circle!

Words cannot describe my gratitude to all who have helped me through this amazing roller-coaster of a journey. That night, as I lay in bed, I said a silent prayer..

(And oh, in case you are wondering, this is no April Fool's joke)

My Pilgrimage to Mt E..

My 'pilgrimage' to Mt Elizabeth once every 3 months is both a little intimidating and fortuitous at the same time. Why do I say that? Especially given that I have taken this pilgrimage every quarter for the past 4 and 1/2 years.

Well, intimidating because the needles await me, and one simply do not know what results will show up on the doctor's desk with this quarterly 'throw of the dice'. Will the results be in my favour again?

But it is also fortuitous because deep inside me, I am very grateful that I am being looked after by an excellent doctor in Dr Ang Peng Tiam and his team. These visits always end with a shot of Zoometa to boost my body's immunity..and a bill of nearly $3000, everytime. They reaffirmed my wisdom of having a good insurance cover when I was younger, an action that must be taken up by all women, at the earliest opportunity, in their adult lives. See my earlier posting on the same:
http://beatcancer10.blogspot.com/2006/10/so-how-much-doe-cancer-cot.html

If I was to add it all up, the total medical bill would have easily crossed the $100k mark by now. But that wise step of buying that insurance plan made this journey of mine so far a much more liveable experience.

And after each trip of blood extraction for cancer-marker testing, and then followed by the wait to sit on Doc Ang's hot-seat, that shot of drug and a tummy-feeling meal along Orchard Road, I am always filled with a new zest for life.. at least until the next pilgrimage..

Recharging with my Team..

Took 18 members of my staff to Malacca for a weekend retreat..a much-needed break from the daily grind of our preschools .. to recharge our bodies and minds.

And Malacca was indeed a natural well-spring for this re-charging, with streets filled with history and food.

Looking at the team brings a surge of warmth within me, realising that I am now impacting the lives of over 20 adults in my immediate circle of influence, and they, in turn, touching the young lives of over 150 children..

That's a nice feeling to have..

(thank you, ladies, for taking this journey with me in touching the lives of our young ones in our own special ways..)

The Most Beautiful 2000km on Earth..

Can this possibly be the most beautiful 2000km on Earth?

(click on the "4-arrows" icon for a full-size view)

Everytime I view these scenes, I am completely taken by the inspiring beauty that resides inside each brick and stone, every piece of marble and each hunk of steel that has made these western European cities the most beautiful on Planet Earth. Surely, there can't be another 2000km stretch of land as beautiful and historical as this Rome-to-Paris-via-Venice-Florence-and-Lucerne stretch, can there?

As the song says, ".. And I feel just like I am livin' someone else's life..it's like I've stepped outside, when everything is going right.."

Hey, everything is going right, for me!

Perhaps, the coin that Hubby tossed into the Trevi Fountain will bring me back there again, one day..

(thank you Mum and Sis for making this trip with me, and making it even more meaningful for me!)

"One Hundred Ways"..

An evening to recharge the soul, with James Ingram, the ultimate soul-man.

Regarded by top professionals in the music industry as the "Singers' Singer", the man took the stage at the Esplanade like a real pro, and rolled back the years as if 20 years younger than he really is today, complete with actual press-ups on stage.. while singing in his full, rich voice.

"..find One Hundred Ways.."

This song brings me back to the days when I had to find all ways, yes 100 ways, to combat my cancer. What an inspiring evening indeed, just listening to this man belt out his multiple Grammy-winning songs. Just listen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnaY4AQrlzE&feature=related

Thank you, James Ingram, for enveloping my body with those beautiful (and I am sure, cancer cell-busting!) words..

(see earlier postings on what music means to me, and how it can recharge our bodies:

http://beatcancer10.blogspot.com/2008/08/once-in-lifetime-events.html

http://beatcancer10.blogspot.com/2008/12/dancing-with-childrenwhat-gift.html )

The Symbol of Eternity..

Of all the stories, the schoolbooks and the wonders of ancient history, the one that stood out for us most was the history of the great Egyptian era.. and of course, the Great Pyramids of Giza.

Hailed by many as the universal symbol of Eternity, one cannot help but feel small in front of this massive human engineering feat, which has lasted over 4500 years .. yes, it was built in 2560 B.C.!

Being there, right under the shadow of these magnificent pyramids, one can sense that "eternity". Not even the beautiful Sphinx can compare with its majesty and longevity.

I wish a little of this "eternity" has rubbed off on me..

Yes, life can be short..but it was a dream come true to be standing beside the Great Pyramids of Giza.. and holding it by the tip of my fingers, no less!

This is one experience for me that will last for eternity!

( the Great Pyramid itself - the one with the polished tip - can be scaled downwards, right into the very heart, by walking down a tunnel through bended knees. I decided to take the scenic option and opted out, but hubby was game enough to overcome the heat and the claustrophobic tunnel to view the insides.. what a view it must have been!)

Climbing New Walls, Scaling New Heights..

Since cancer crept into my life back in Jan 2006, I had always dreamt that someday, I will be able to scale the longest wall on this planet, with my mother by my side.

Of course, that wall is the Great Wall of China.

So, on a cold and icy morning of Monday, 18Feb ( only a month after China's worst winter storms for nearly half a century), we stood at the base of the Great Wall, with my mother by my side. And with the added bonus of my younger sister beside me, we all scaled the Wall!

It was symbolic for me. And it was steep in meaning too. Having experienced the depths of cancer, I was now scaling new heights, a 'feat' which only 24 months ago, would have been the furthest thing on my mind.

The tingling numbness of the toes was still there from the chemo, but who cares? The beauty of the Great Wall in the middle of winter was no less spectacular.

If my sister, who was also afflicted with cancer barely 9 months after my own diagnosis, and I were able to "make it here", the feeling in me was that nothing in this world could stop us.. yes, nothing can stop me from reaching even greater heights.

Reach out for that symbolic new height, in your own way.. I know it will mean a lot to us as cancer survivors!

/gleefully ntangle

Listening to My Body..

Does this count as listening to my body?

For a few days or so before heading to China for a holiday 17Feb, I had felt a discomfort in my abdominal area. I didn't think much of it. But after China, the discomfort persisted. I felt bloated. Told hubby about it, and we were off to see my gynae the same day. Her assessment was that it could be a muscle strain in that area, and that the best way to know more clearly was to have a full blood test done, with a proper scan. We agreed with her, but decided to have these done with Dr Ang Peng Tiam, given that as our onco, he had been tracking all our blood test results and CT or PET scans since Feb 2006.

The same day, without wasting any time, we got my blood tested at Mt E, and would be seeing Dr Ang the next day for the results.

For some reason, my anxiety level began to build up dramatically. What will happen if the blood test results were showing a higher level than normal for the CA125 cancer marker? Will I be back to the chemo routine again.. pain, vomiting, numbness and yes, hairloss?

Dr Ang gave us the result straight up : "Everything is fine!"

We asked if this is foolproof. What a silly question, on hindsight. Is there such a thing as a foolproof cancer test? He suggested that if you want to get all worries off your mind, then lets get a PET scan done. I was due to have one done anyway, come June. Might as well bring it forward, Doc said.

We agreed. "Can we do it tomorrow?" Doc asked.

"But I have a field trip to a goat farm with the children tomorrow", I replied.

Doc looked at his assistant, as if in amazement that I would put a major cancer detection procedure behind that of a children's field trip. I guess he will not understand..unless he knew how attached I am now to all "my children".

First thing yesterday Monday, we headed to Mt E to prep for the PET scan. It was almost like the 1st PET scan.. long, boring and yes, time for the mind ( 3hours!) to fester and build up both anxiety and fear. Is this normal? Why does knowing what's known seemed more fearsome than not knowing what's to come next? I am referring to that fact that even if the PET scan showed cancer cells spotting along my abdominal area, I would know exactly what to expect next because "I have been there, done that!"

So why this extra element of fear this time around? Who's to say how one's mind truly works? I told Hubby that perhaps this time, I had read more about cancer and how it has impacted other survivors than ever before. In particular, the trials and tribulations of Molly.. captured in her terrific blog ( http://www.wearewonderwomen.com/blog/). We came to know of Molly when we saw her article in a magazine December last year, and have since kept in touch with her and even cross-referenced our own blogs. Her relapse was the trigger in my brain, I supposed. Her courage and honesty is simply inspirational. But her relapse (also from ovarian cancer) may have been gnawing at my mind, subconsciously. It is a wonder..how the brain works.

At 6pm, it was time for the truth in Dr Ang's clinic, which was filled to the brim with patients, as always. In his own inimitable way, Doc said "I think we may have wasted $3000!"

We reassured him, "Dr Ang, it is worth every cent of it!"

A massive relief came over me..I could see Hubby staring at me through the corner of my eye. He knows the worry and yes, fear, inside me just 1 minute ago!

We took our 1st photo with Dr Ang, and quickly head to our favourite steak&ribs joint again.. Tony Roma's.. to celebrate a different type of victory, but a victory all the same.

I am glad I listened to my body..

..gleefully ntangle

A Holiday for the Body, Mind and Soul..

It was a trip which was meant to have taken place in Feb 2006, and now I am all ready to board the SQ plane which will take us direct to Milan. So... Italy here I come.. 10 months later, but this time, the ode "better late than never" holds even truer.

What could anyone ask for after going through all those tough months battling oneself with a deadly disease and all the sufferings one had endured during those seemingly never-ending treatments.... Yes, I am now glad to wake up every morning being able to see sunshine and even more glad that I finally made it for this trip. Nothing was in my mind other than enjoying every moment I have in Italy and Austria, and making sure that I treasure every moment and every hour while I am there.

A recap of our trip which started off like this........we arrived Milan in the early morning of 1st Dec, sky still dark. With our backpacks we walked straight to the train station (hubby says to travel light so I had to ration my colorful sets of outfits), hoping to catch the train to take us to our hotel. But after checking around we were told to hop onto an airport bus, cheaper and faster. So we got ourselves onto the bus and within 50 minutes we were there! Breathing the cold air was just fantastic and refreshing! I had to pinch myself to make sure all was real..Milan at last!

Found our hotel which was located about 100m away from the central train station... Hubby did a good job in sourcing this particular hotel as it saved us lots of time and money shuttling to/from the train stations during out stay in Milan.

Our Italy Itinerary
1st Dec - Arrived in the morning and spent the afternoon shopping! What is Milan without shopping? Took a stroll to the center of Milan and arrived at the magnificent Duomo Cathedral.. it has to be one of the most beautiful cathedrals in the world. Right beside it was Milan's hottest shopping strip. Got my prada & gucci bags as planned... :-)

2nd Dec - Decided to spend a full day in Venice..an easy 2 hrs train ride from Milan (trains there are so clean and comfortable). Our day in Venice was great, but my camera went kaput! Bought one to replace it and we just let the new camera capture everything this city had to offer. Venice has to be the most romantic city in the world, and the St Marks Square has no equal, especially from up the Tower. I can't imagine this city disappearing under the rising sea level..I told myself I must come back again, one day.

3rd Dec - Spent 8 hours on the train to Salzburg - long train ride. It was becoming a little restless for both of us after a while, but the views in northern Italy, Germany and then the Austrian countrysides made it worth it. Arrived in Salzburg and it was already getting dark... hubby went to look around for hotel to stay for the night. As you can tell, we wanted to make our trip free and easy, which added to the overall adventure of our trip here.

4th Dec - Spend a day in Salzburg - Joined a day tour - The Original Sound of Music Tour.. all the songs from the movie came rushing back. It's a great way to see the city and the surrounding areas up close. I even had a photo taken with a lovely nun from the Nonberg Abbey..nice.

5th Dec - Spend another 8 hours on the train back to Milan - another long ride back to Milan. If the train timings had been better, this was where we were supposed to head to Croatia, but sigh.. another time, I guess.

6th Dec - Milan - More shopping for me.... can never get enough of shopping here!

7th Dec - Turin became our last city on our trip agenda. One hour train ride from Milan... we almost ended up in Porta Susa which was the wrong station... thanks to the train door which failed to open! Our day in Turin was gloomy but that does not deter us from another round of shopping..the street malls there were beautifully decked out for Xmas!

8th Dec - Time to pack our backpacks and make our way to the airport :-(

9th Dec - Arrived Singapore, feeling rested and happy with all my great buys!

Looking back, I had enjoyed every moment in Italy.. a trip which I would regard as our very own "Amazing Race : Italy+Austria". The weather, the shoppings.. we've never eaten so much pizzas and pastas in our lives! I would certainly love to go back there again. I was also pleasantly surprised by how well I could handle the long flights, the many train rides and all the walking in Italy and Austria. In order to fulfil my new mission of going back to Italy and Europe, I have to stay healthy and happy. With a strong, positive mind, I just know that I will be there again... It really was a much-needed holiday for the body, mind and soul.

>> gleefully ntangle

"So, How Much Doe$ Cancer Co$t?"

"So, how much does treating your cancer really cost?"

All of us have some idea that treating cancer is expensive. The newspapers have tuned most of us to brace ourselves for that big medical bill when a critical illness hits us. Maybe not now, but one day. Hopefully, not ever.

But when I was asked this question some time ago, I thought that it would be good for more people to fully grasp what the real dollars and cents are, when an major illness like cancer strikes. And then perhaps, we all can better plan, save and respond to such an emergency. Is it about $10,000 or thereabouts? With medical costs escalating these days, perhaps double that to $20,000. The truth was, hubby and I didnt know what to expect in full, until now. So here's a summarised total of what I had to pay, moneywise, to fight this monster disease:

1. Surgery and hospital... $ 13,367
2. Chemo sessions (x6) ... $ 28,800
3. PET Scan.....................$ 3,100
4. Post-infusions (x4)..... $ 5,464
**********************************
Total todate............ $ 50,731
**********************************

And oh, this is not the end. Post-chemo infusions continue, now at 2 monthly intervals. And there are of course the followup visits with both the oncologist and gynae, which I expect will be required for the rest of my life. So, when the Health Minister says people of today needs to be able to manage and financially withstand a personal health crisis, we now know exactly what he means. It is interesting to note an article some time ago, that a high percentage of the American population today is one major health crisis away from personal bankcruptcy.

Goodness, and how true indeed, by just looking at this total sum above.

One word stands out like a beacon in my mind right now as I write this... insurance.

The need for health insurance to cover any major critical illnesses now rings true more so than ever. I am really glad I paid for some health cover when I was younger. I hope more women today will do likewise.

>> gleefully ntangle

The Mind-Body connection

Try listening to these words..

" Take a comfortable position and let yourself begin to relax in your own way. Let your breathing get a little deeper and fuller but still comfortable. With every breath in, notice that you bring in fresh air. Fresh oxygen that fills your body. And with every breath out, imagine that you can release a little bit of tension. A bit of discomfort. A bit of worry. And let that deeper breathing and the thought you have for fresh energy in and tension and worry out, be an invitation to your body and mind to begin to relax.

And let it be an easy and natural movement, without having to force anything, without having to make anything happen right now. Just letting it happen. Just breathing and relaxing.. breathing and energising.."

Do they not simply melt your body and relax you?

Those are the words from a CD called "Complementary Cancer with Evidence-based Mind-Body Medicine", compiled by Dr Lim Kok Kwang and Ms Wong Mei Yin. With title tracks such as "Relax to Free Yourself from Stress", "Get the Best of Chemotherapy" and "Create Inner Strength and Courage", the listener is brought through various imageries through the mind. The goal? To use the mind as a key tool in bolstering your body's strength, therefore enhancing your immune system.

We came across an article on this subject in an April issue of the Straits Times 'Health' Supplement, and immediately went to get a copy of the CD. Indeed, it turned out to be one of the best investment for Nellie's fight against her cancer. We can't quantify the return on this "investment" of $15 but I know that it brings a sense of calm in Nellie's face everytime she listens to any one of the 5 tracks.

The CD was available from Shan You Counselling Centre, Blk 5 Upper Boon Keng Rd, #02-15, Singapore 380005. Tel: (65) 6741 9293.

I have no doubt that the mind is a wonderful tool. Keeping it positive everytime, keeping it nimble in the heat of the side-effects of chemotherapy.. I know that has been a hallmark of Nellie's. She even went back to cross-stitching to keep her mind challenged and alert. For someone like me who thought cross-stitched works that one buys at the shops are easily stitched replicas, put together by mass labour in a faraway country, well, lets just say it was a huge eye-opener for me. After a span of 3 months of concentrated work, though intermittent, she completed a beautifully stitched piece of art.. 18 bright roses resting in a delicately weaved basket.

The framed art-piece now hangs at our doorway, forever reminding us of the beauty of combining courage and patience.. both seemingly abundant in this homegrown cross-stitcher.

>>gleefully ntangle

"What about my job, dear.."

We had kept Nellie's employer informed of her condition from the very beginning in January when her abdominal pain got from a mere irritation to being persistent. Given her newness to the company, she had to obtain due instructions from them on which clinic is under their group insurance and what was covered.. you know, the usual stuff that an employee should get to know at times like these.

But man, things sure were not usual stuff anymore, as we had learnt, about a week into her surgery.

When she asked, ".. but what about my job, dear?", I took the view that being able for her to return to her current job would be most soothing for her, given the circumstances. When things do get back to "normal", she would more than likely want to get back to work, I reasoned. Of course, there's the other view that giving her 100% focus on winning her war with cancer ought to be priority #1, as opposed to getting sidetracked by what could be or might be, 6-9 months down the road. We decided that it would make better sense to hold on to the job than to resign, and took the decision to ask from her employer a leave of absence of about 8-10 months. We asked her oncologist to write us a letter to explain her condition now, and was duly given one the very day we asked.. what impressive turnaround indeed from Dr Ang and her office.

Her request was formally put to the company the next day. What came back literally blew my top!

Sorry, your request for LOA was denied.. so said the HR dept. How can this be? Here's an employee seeking what to me was a most innocuous request: time-off to fight a disease, so that she can be back to perform her duties again. And a terminal disease called ovarian cancer, no less. Surely, the time to look after the welfare of your employees must be now.. now, more so than any time in an employee's tenure with a company, wouldnt it?

We felt utterly deflated. But we decided to take the matter further with the VP of the company, essentially appealing to his sense of caring and compassion. Afterall, she isnt asking to be paid... just time off to fight for her life! What could be more immediate or noble a cause than that?

2 days into her appeal, Nellie came to me with an email in hand and with a smile as wide as the horizon, "The company has decided to grant me the LOA, dear!"

Who's to say what that had meant to her? Who's to say what would have happened to her spirits if her appeal was not granted, and the impact that would have had on her will to fight? I have no doubt in my mind that knowing that her job was there waiting for her when she goes back to "normal" was one of the key contributors to her successful conquest of this most dreadful disease.

As I write this, Nellie is looking through her wardrobe again.. checking out her working garments and deciding which dress she will be wearing this Friday.. when she steps into her office again.. exactly 7 months and 12 days later. I know she can't wait to be back with her colleagues..

Thank you, Nellie's employer!
In making her feel special, you are now a special breed of employers who have shown what this sometimes cold dark world can be when we all show a little bit more compassion and caring. Well done indeed!

>>gleefully ntangle

Diary of my chemo days....

11 Feb
Had my 1st chemo treatment today, which had me sitting at the clinic for almost 3 hours.
I was hoping the drips would be faster. But then again, what other appointments do I have?

13 Feb (% of sleep: 40)
I suffered body aches and was low in energy. As a result of the aches it also impacted my sleep. This is what I have to get used to for the next 4 months, I suspect.

21 Feb (% of sleep: 50)
Today I noticed hairs on the seattee and on my pillow. It is the beginning of my hair falling as result of the treatment... Sigh!

22 Feb (% of sleep: 80)
Got my hair dresser in today to shave the hair to 1/2 inch height. I wanted to ensure a gradual change of my image, as opposed to what could be a heart wrenching experience of seeing a full head of long flowing hair turning bald, right before my very eyes.

4 Mar (% of sleep: 75)
Had my 2nd chemo today. Told the doc of my experiences after the 1st chemo session and he was happy with my progress. He increased the dosage 10% more. Informed the doc about the numbness on my fingers and toes that I have been feeling since yesterday. In the afternoon after the chemo, the numbness that I have been feeling went away. A bonus.

5 Mar (% of sleep: 70)
Woke up without feeling any numbness or body aches.. but I anticipate it coming any moment. Hubby and I set off for our first outing... KL trip, after midday. It was good to be able to get out and join the human race again!

6 Mar (% of sleep: 10)
Body aches and numbness starting to impact me. Energy level has also dropped. Went to the massive Times Square to walk around but I could not walk much (my legs are feeling weak), so I decided to walk back to the hotel to rest. Shopping isn't the same anymore..

7 Mar (% of sleep: 70)
Similar body aches and numbness feeling. I went to Parkson around 10am but came back to the hotel after about an hour's walk and my legs are feeling weak again. We headed back to Singapore around 12pm.

8 Mar (% of sleep: 80)
Body aches and numbness are still there and by the later part of the day the aches have subsided. A good friend came to visit me today and we chatted.... it was good to have friends during this period.

25 Mar (% of sleep: 70)
Woke up at midnite to take my medication in preparation for my 3rd chemo today. The treatment ended later than usual, drip was rather slow. Nurse at the clinic says that chemo treatment cause the veins to shrink thus drip is much slower, another biological change to me, I thought.

26 Mar (% of sleep: 80)
I woke up feeling ok and decided to go for a light jog. We spent some time at the beach. It was good to feel and smell the fresh sea breeze.

1 Apr (% of sleep: 90)
Woke up at 1.20am and went back to sleep till 7.15 am. Hubby and I went to watch a play "Doubt" at the Jubilee Hall, Raffles Hotel. 11.30pm..we had never been out this late for a long time now. Apart from my wig, I could easily pass off as any other ladies at the show.. nice feeling.

12 Apr (% of sleep: 85)
Went to Mt. E this morning for my blood test and saw the doc in the afternoon pending my 4th chemo the next day. Doc says I am tough and doing good (as shown in the blood test results). This made me feel uplifted!

16 Apr (% of sleep: 80)
Numbness and tingling on my toes and fingers are more intensed than previous treatment. Tummy was feeling bloaty and I was burping alot. My appetite was not good and in the evening after dinner I threw up around 9pm. This is a new experience for me being the first time.

17 Apr (% of sleep: 80)
I woke up many times last nite but managed to go back to sleep. Tummy still feeling bloaty and decided to call the doc about it. He asked for me to collect some medicine to reduce the bloatiness. After 2 doses I felt slightly better. This is probably the most uncomfortable period over the last 2 months of chemo.

26 Apr (% of sleep: 60)
Was struggling to sleep the whole night as I was impacted with a bad persistent headache from previous day.

3 May (% of sleep: 90)
As I have been feeling better the past few days, hubby decided to take me to golf .. for a start 9 holes. I survived the game and felt great (who cares about the score!). It's fantastic to feel the golf clubs and hear the sound of the ball falling into the cup again.

5 May (% of sleep: 60)
Very disturbed sleep last nite... not sure why? Had my 5th chemo today.. started at 8.50 am and ended at 1.10 pm... I'm restless by then. Numbness and tingling were felt on my thighs and lower arm after today's session.

7 May (% of sleep: 90)
Slept better last nite. After breakfast I started to feel a little nauseous. I didn't have much appetite during lunch so I just had a bun. Decided to pop in an anti nausea pill... I was also experiencing diarrhea today. Mild body aches and my knees are feeling weak.

26 May (% of sleep: 90)
Today is my last chemo session, finally! A sense of relief and excitement at the same time. A small prayer.. let this be my last, dear God.

Looking back, keeping a record of how I felt everyday since my first chemo has helped me to stay in closer touch with my day-to-day emotions and feelings. Plus it has given me a chance to recall as much information as I can whenever I visited the doc. I would recommend keeping such a diary for anyone who is in a similar situation as mine.

>>gleefully ntangle

The book that changed our lives..

On the very day of her surgery, a rather inconspicuous article in the "Today" newspaper caught my attention, as I sat at the lounge waiting area of the hospital.

It was titled "One in 4 S'poreans will die of cancer", and carried on.." Driven by harsh figures, oncologist writes book for parents, families". The book was titled "Doctor, I Have Cancer. Can You Help Me?" And the oncologist? Dr Ang Peng Tiam.

Few things could ever compare the irony of the situation that I was in.. here I was at the very day of my wife's surgery that could potentially save her life, and there it was, an article on cancer in the papers saying one in four people will die of cancer. But reading into the article a bit more, it was billed as a book of hope. I made it a point to seek out the book as soon as I could. I showed it to Nellie and said to her that this book will bring something new to our fight against the cancer.

"I read the book within a day! Filled with pictures, it was easy to read and clearly showed how the most aggressive of cancers can be stopped from spreading further, if not fully cured. In my mind, I was half dreading what's to become of me in the months ahead, but also what I can do inside me to win this fight... literally, the fight of my life. The book put in all together for me, from what others have had to go through to what expectations I should carry with me, as I walk down this war path. I am going to try to be as positive as I can, and if mind over matter has anything to do with it, I will give it a very good try !!"

After reading it, we both decided immediately that Dr Ang will be her oncologist from here on.

Fate has a way of bringing together what looked like the most disconnected of things. What were the chances of me ending up reading that article on Dr Ang's cancer book? And on the very day of her surgery, no less. Looking back, one has to marvel at the ironically fortuitous circumstances of it all.. indeed, the book literally brought us both plenty of hope! And of course, Dr Ang himself.

"Why is it taking so long.."

Surgery of any type is a worrying situation. Surgery to see what exactly is inside your abdomen and then to determine if a tumour in an ovary is malignant or not is simply edge-of-the-seat stuff. And I was only the guy sitting outside the OT, waiting for the gynae's results and for Nellie to be rolled out.. safely.

It was supposed to be over within 3hours..
"So why is it taking so long..?", asked Nellie's mum, with increasingly worrying lines on her face. 4 hours passed. In the 5th hour, the gynae surgeon came out and gave the news..

"The tumour is malignant. We had to be doubly sure that we got out as much as we could. We took the womb out too."

I swallowed, but my throat was dry.

"I was feeling drowsy and could hear voices of the family around me..... My mum came over and asked if I was feeling fine. I said yes and went back to sleep.

It was not until the next morning that I was fully conscious and was waiting for the gynae to come over and tell me what had been done to me. My hubby came early in the morning and I could see from his face that things does not look right for me. I asked him if I was ok and he came over.. gave me a big hug and started tearing. I knew from that point that the cancer had hit me! The sadness and disappointment in his face made me realised that I was in a very major battle to fight from now on.......

The battle that I have to fight was confirmed by the doc who came over to see me around 10am. She said I have to be strong, stay positive and fight it! As devastated as I was feeling then, I told myself that I will have to fight this."

The doc showed us the picture of the ovary.. a massive size of a tennis ball! (see picture in next blog-entry). It was a disgusting sight, made all the more gory by the streaks of blood around it.

How can this be? Just 3 weeks ago we were strolling in the cool mountain air of Cameron Highlands. In fact, just 5 months ago, she had a full medical healthscreening and apart from a few innocuous comments, she was given the all clear. Everything still seemed so totally surreal..

>>gleefully ntangle

"Something's not right.."

Back from the mountains in Cameron Highlands after a nice 2006 New Year's holiday, Nellie began to feel pain in her abdominal area. She described it as "a small discomfort". But it was discomforting enough for her to seek medical help from her employer's doctors.

Her initial prognosis? Probably a urinary tract infection. She got her medicine, she took them and we didnt think much of it.

But the discomfort persisted. She returned to the same GP the following week. Some additional tests were done. Again, she was asked to take some new medicine and to monitor her condition.

Then..

6 Jan 2006 - It started with a cramp attack which lasted for about 10 mins. I was unable to move, feeling faint and started to cold sweat. Seated in my office chair I was waiting for the pain to go away. I was scared as this has never happened to me before. The GP suspected it was food poisoning.

13 Jan 2006 - A week later I had the same attack and it was then that I insisted she refer me to a specialist or whoever that can tell me why I'm experiencing this pain? Fortunately a lady Gynaecologist will be in the clinic in the afternoon and an appointment was made for me to see her. My appointment with Dr.Karolyn Goh at 12.30pm was even more shocking when the ultra sound scan showed my ovary had ballooned to the size of 10.8cm, a tennis ball instead of a fishball! She immediately wanted me to go for a further test and scan at Raffles Hospital that afternoon. I left the clinic and called my hubby immediately to tell him what happened.

19 Jan 2006 - My experience at R Hospital was something which I will never forget. With a full bladder, I was asked to wait until it was my turn..an uncomfortable 30min wait. With the additional scans, the tumour was confirmed. And it was likely cancerous. The doctor asked that we consider immediate surgery to remove not just the ovaries, but also the fallopian tubes and the womb... a total hysterectomy! My mind was spinning..how can this be? Just 3 weeks ago, I was in the cool mountain air of beautiful Cameron Highlands. Now, I am in the clutches of cancer..

We were asked to seek a second opinion, if we wanted. But my mind was made up. I had asked for the earliest surgery available.

The next day, I was rolled into the operating theatre...

>>gleefully ntangle