"Your cancer is in remission!!"

The days after the 6th chemo were filled with so much anticipation.. half my mind was fighting the usual aches in the bones and numbness, but the other half was awaiting the final results. Will this war with my cancer be ultimately declared successful, or will more treatment be required? All the 5 blood tests todate appear to show consistently good results, esp the CA125 marker, which tracks the cancer cells for ovarian cancer.

However one last test was recommended by Dr Ang Peng Tiam, one called a "PET Scan". It will allow him to see cell activities.. cancer cells being more active than normal cells. If no red patches show up in the scan, then all's well. He calls this the test to confirm all the past blood tests.

15June.. the scan took a full 5 hours to complete at Mt E, which supposedly is the only hospital in Spore to have this technology.

16June.. Time to see Dr Ang for the PET Scan result. I had a strange feeling.. like I was about to receive my school exam results.. butterflies-in-the-tummy time. Hubby and I sat in front of Dr Ang, his left hand holding my right, as if in joint prayer. And then, the 5 words I had been nervously waiting for..

"Your cancer is in remission!!"

He carried on .. "You can now go back to normal life, Nellie. You can do anything you want and eat anything you want." My hubby chimed in, "Including durians, doc?". He replied in the affirmative.

160606.. this is a day I will remember for the rest of my life. As much as 19Jan took almost everything out from inside me, this day brought just about everything back into my body. I can now wake up in the morning with confidence, laugh in the day with joy and go to bed in the night with peace inside me. We thank Dr Ang profusely. And we asked him if he could do us the honour of autographing his book.. the very book which brought us to him in the first place. And he wrote... (see pic below).

We headed out to celebrate at my favourite steakhouse..Tony Roma's.

Yes, I have won this battle for my life!

Yes, I am now a cancer survivor, I am proud to say.

Where do I begin in thanking all those who have helped me along this tough, long road to recovery? My mum and sisters.. your wonderful food and your continuous support to fight this evil. My friends.. your visits, your thoughts and words of encouragement, and your Korean DVDs! And a huge thank-you to Dr Goh whose keen eye caught the disease early on 19Jan, and to the magical hands of Dr Ang and his talented team.

And of course, Dad.. I know you are watching over me..

>>gleefully ntangle

"What about my job, dear.."

We had kept Nellie's employer informed of her condition from the very beginning in January when her abdominal pain got from a mere irritation to being persistent. Given her newness to the company, she had to obtain due instructions from them on which clinic is under their group insurance and what was covered.. you know, the usual stuff that an employee should get to know at times like these.

But man, things sure were not usual stuff anymore, as we had learnt, about a week into her surgery.

When she asked, ".. but what about my job, dear?", I took the view that being able for her to return to her current job would be most soothing for her, given the circumstances. When things do get back to "normal", she would more than likely want to get back to work, I reasoned. Of course, there's the other view that giving her 100% focus on winning her war with cancer ought to be priority #1, as opposed to getting sidetracked by what could be or might be, 6-9 months down the road. We decided that it would make better sense to hold on to the job than to resign, and took the decision to ask from her employer a leave of absence of about 8-10 months. We asked her oncologist to write us a letter to explain her condition now, and was duly given one the very day we asked.. what impressive turnaround indeed from Dr Ang and her office.

Her request was formally put to the company the next day. What came back literally blew my top!

Sorry, your request for LOA was denied.. so said the HR dept. How can this be? Here's an employee seeking what to me was a most innocuous request: time-off to fight a disease, so that she can be back to perform her duties again. And a terminal disease called ovarian cancer, no less. Surely, the time to look after the welfare of your employees must be now.. now, more so than any time in an employee's tenure with a company, wouldnt it?

We felt utterly deflated. But we decided to take the matter further with the VP of the company, essentially appealing to his sense of caring and compassion. Afterall, she isnt asking to be paid... just time off to fight for her life! What could be more immediate or noble a cause than that?

2 days into her appeal, Nellie came to me with an email in hand and with a smile as wide as the horizon, "The company has decided to grant me the LOA, dear!"

Who's to say what that had meant to her? Who's to say what would have happened to her spirits if her appeal was not granted, and the impact that would have had on her will to fight? I have no doubt in my mind that knowing that her job was there waiting for her when she goes back to "normal" was one of the key contributors to her successful conquest of this most dreadful disease.

As I write this, Nellie is looking through her wardrobe again.. checking out her working garments and deciding which dress she will be wearing this Friday.. when she steps into her office again.. exactly 7 months and 12 days later. I know she can't wait to be back with her colleagues..

Thank you, Nellie's employer!
In making her feel special, you are now a special breed of employers who have shown what this sometimes cold dark world can be when we all show a little bit more compassion and caring. Well done indeed!

>>gleefully ntangle

Diary of my chemo days....

11 Feb
Had my 1st chemo treatment today, which had me sitting at the clinic for almost 3 hours.
I was hoping the drips would be faster. But then again, what other appointments do I have?

13 Feb (% of sleep: 40)
I suffered body aches and was low in energy. As a result of the aches it also impacted my sleep. This is what I have to get used to for the next 4 months, I suspect.

21 Feb (% of sleep: 50)
Today I noticed hairs on the seattee and on my pillow. It is the beginning of my hair falling as result of the treatment... Sigh!

22 Feb (% of sleep: 80)
Got my hair dresser in today to shave the hair to 1/2 inch height. I wanted to ensure a gradual change of my image, as opposed to what could be a heart wrenching experience of seeing a full head of long flowing hair turning bald, right before my very eyes.

4 Mar (% of sleep: 75)
Had my 2nd chemo today. Told the doc of my experiences after the 1st chemo session and he was happy with my progress. He increased the dosage 10% more. Informed the doc about the numbness on my fingers and toes that I have been feeling since yesterday. In the afternoon after the chemo, the numbness that I have been feeling went away. A bonus.

5 Mar (% of sleep: 70)
Woke up without feeling any numbness or body aches.. but I anticipate it coming any moment. Hubby and I set off for our first outing... KL trip, after midday. It was good to be able to get out and join the human race again!

6 Mar (% of sleep: 10)
Body aches and numbness starting to impact me. Energy level has also dropped. Went to the massive Times Square to walk around but I could not walk much (my legs are feeling weak), so I decided to walk back to the hotel to rest. Shopping isn't the same anymore..

7 Mar (% of sleep: 70)
Similar body aches and numbness feeling. I went to Parkson around 10am but came back to the hotel after about an hour's walk and my legs are feeling weak again. We headed back to Singapore around 12pm.

8 Mar (% of sleep: 80)
Body aches and numbness are still there and by the later part of the day the aches have subsided. A good friend came to visit me today and we chatted.... it was good to have friends during this period.

25 Mar (% of sleep: 70)
Woke up at midnite to take my medication in preparation for my 3rd chemo today. The treatment ended later than usual, drip was rather slow. Nurse at the clinic says that chemo treatment cause the veins to shrink thus drip is much slower, another biological change to me, I thought.

26 Mar (% of sleep: 80)
I woke up feeling ok and decided to go for a light jog. We spent some time at the beach. It was good to feel and smell the fresh sea breeze.

1 Apr (% of sleep: 90)
Woke up at 1.20am and went back to sleep till 7.15 am. Hubby and I went to watch a play "Doubt" at the Jubilee Hall, Raffles Hotel. 11.30pm..we had never been out this late for a long time now. Apart from my wig, I could easily pass off as any other ladies at the show.. nice feeling.

12 Apr (% of sleep: 85)
Went to Mt. E this morning for my blood test and saw the doc in the afternoon pending my 4th chemo the next day. Doc says I am tough and doing good (as shown in the blood test results). This made me feel uplifted!

16 Apr (% of sleep: 80)
Numbness and tingling on my toes and fingers are more intensed than previous treatment. Tummy was feeling bloaty and I was burping alot. My appetite was not good and in the evening after dinner I threw up around 9pm. This is a new experience for me being the first time.

17 Apr (% of sleep: 80)
I woke up many times last nite but managed to go back to sleep. Tummy still feeling bloaty and decided to call the doc about it. He asked for me to collect some medicine to reduce the bloatiness. After 2 doses I felt slightly better. This is probably the most uncomfortable period over the last 2 months of chemo.

26 Apr (% of sleep: 60)
Was struggling to sleep the whole night as I was impacted with a bad persistent headache from previous day.

3 May (% of sleep: 90)
As I have been feeling better the past few days, hubby decided to take me to golf .. for a start 9 holes. I survived the game and felt great (who cares about the score!). It's fantastic to feel the golf clubs and hear the sound of the ball falling into the cup again.

5 May (% of sleep: 60)
Very disturbed sleep last nite... not sure why? Had my 5th chemo today.. started at 8.50 am and ended at 1.10 pm... I'm restless by then. Numbness and tingling were felt on my thighs and lower arm after today's session.

7 May (% of sleep: 90)
Slept better last nite. After breakfast I started to feel a little nauseous. I didn't have much appetite during lunch so I just had a bun. Decided to pop in an anti nausea pill... I was also experiencing diarrhea today. Mild body aches and my knees are feeling weak.

26 May (% of sleep: 90)
Today is my last chemo session, finally! A sense of relief and excitement at the same time. A small prayer.. let this be my last, dear God.

Looking back, keeping a record of how I felt everyday since my first chemo has helped me to stay in closer touch with my day-to-day emotions and feelings. Plus it has given me a chance to recall as much information as I can whenever I visited the doc. I would recommend keeping such a diary for anyone who is in a similar situation as mine.

>>gleefully ntangle

The side effects : chemo treatments..

Total hair losts, body aches, numbness and nausea are the 4 main side effects which I have to go through during chemotherapy.... Wow, there goes my long and silky hair! I guess body aches and the numbness are side effects which I can put up with. Also there are medications which Dr. Ang will prescribed on standby to ease these side effects. Nausea is almost 90% a "no" but there may be occasions during the treatments when I may experience it. So the total hair loss is something which is rather difficult for me to accept... I asked the doc : when will my hair start to drop and his answer is "in two weeks time after your first treatment".. oh dear..

11 Feb 2006 - The day I am set for my 1st treatment..... sitting at the clinic for the treatment lasted for 3-1/2 hours and this first experience wasn't as bad as I anticipated. Although during the treatment I did feel a little restless. Home I go after the treatment. Body aches started the next day and it lasted for 4 days.

11 days later my hairs started to show signs of dropping... hairs on our settee, pillows and all over the floor!

13 days through my treatment I called my hairdresser to our home to shave off my hair to half an inch long.... my new hairdo took a while to get used to it, but I was all ready and even more determined to fight this battle.

My sleep was also impacted since I had the treatment.. my mind was overly alert and I struggled to have a good nite sleep. The yellow antihistamine pills became a good companion for the next 2 nites.

My 2nd treatment was scheduled 3 weeks later and I went through the same 3-1/2 hr of infusion at the clinic.

But more was to come..

>>gleefully ntangle

The book that changed our lives..

On the very day of her surgery, a rather inconspicuous article in the "Today" newspaper caught my attention, as I sat at the lounge waiting area of the hospital.

It was titled "One in 4 S'poreans will die of cancer", and carried on.." Driven by harsh figures, oncologist writes book for parents, families". The book was titled "Doctor, I Have Cancer. Can You Help Me?" And the oncologist? Dr Ang Peng Tiam.

Few things could ever compare the irony of the situation that I was in.. here I was at the very day of my wife's surgery that could potentially save her life, and there it was, an article on cancer in the papers saying one in four people will die of cancer. But reading into the article a bit more, it was billed as a book of hope. I made it a point to seek out the book as soon as I could. I showed it to Nellie and said to her that this book will bring something new to our fight against the cancer.

"I read the book within a day! Filled with pictures, it was easy to read and clearly showed how the most aggressive of cancers can be stopped from spreading further, if not fully cured. In my mind, I was half dreading what's to become of me in the months ahead, but also what I can do inside me to win this fight... literally, the fight of my life. The book put in all together for me, from what others have had to go through to what expectations I should carry with me, as I walk down this war path. I am going to try to be as positive as I can, and if mind over matter has anything to do with it, I will give it a very good try !!"

After reading it, we both decided immediately that Dr Ang will be her oncologist from here on.

Fate has a way of bringing together what looked like the most disconnected of things. What were the chances of me ending up reading that article on Dr Ang's cancer book? And on the very day of her surgery, no less. Looking back, one has to marvel at the ironically fortuitous circumstances of it all.. indeed, the book literally brought us both plenty of hope! And of course, Dr Ang himself.